Sorry dearies. I have deleted everything I have done on my blog to date. It was old news and ancient history going way back to 1915. I don't need to remember the old wanks, blowjobs and rims I won all those awards for; the memories are etched in my mind, the bruises still on my knees and the sores still in my mouth. I'm not interested in the past anymore, luvs. I am only interested in the future now that I've met the balls of me dreams. Rancid, bitter and bilious. Oh, I feel like I did way back when in that first flush of love, not lust, but that heady love. The one that just swells and swells until you feel your mind will blow. I never thought anyone would top the love of my life, Harold, so I was forced to shoot him myself. He turned out to be a narrow minded sod. Harold never quite got the meaning of sanchez, being the racist fool that he was.
I met my new love through the computer when he wrote a lovely piece about the perfect woman. Naturally I realised I was the perfect candidate and my curiosity was quite piqued.
I sent him an E-mail describing my talents and skills. He comes across as though he's full of the horn so we have plenty in common already. I hope to hear back from him soon. It's already been two days. Do you think he'll answer me?
Here he is. I have butterflies in my stomach and my teeth are chattering in the glass just thinking about him. What a handsome devil.
Wish me luck, children. I'm off for a cuppa and a nap. Hopefully my inbox will be full of his stuff when I wake up.
13 comments:
Your a looker allright. I'll go ya if the other one won't.
Ah what a grand couple you are.
I'm sorry you deleted yer post the 'famous old cocks of 1956' Churchill has never looked so good.
Hello Geezer, I don't think we've met yet. Thank you for your sentiment. I'll look you up if this one doesn't work out, but I'd say he's a keeper.
Hello Lynn, I've seen you over on Soren's blog. Thank you for taking the time to visit. Did you bring cake? I'm feeling peckish.
Soren dear, That was old news. Look out for a future post, 'Aged orgy heaven in 2007'. We've got a list of participants here at the nursing home. It should be scheduled for Tuesday afternoon activities. I haven't managed to get many of the residents onboard, it's mainly the nursing attendants.
You can win him over with Hayward's mixed Pickles and a jar of pickled cockles.
Take it from me. You need not suffer bruises down on your knees. The gardening centres have an excellent selection of kneepads these days.
she means nothing to me just a gherkin in the jar of life.
Has big Carl signed up yet? hes a cutie.
MJ, hello dearie. Lovely of you to stop by too. It's nice to get visitors these days.
Pickles, silver bells, cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row should win him over. My legs look great in a maid's outfit. I'll be wearing one on our first date.
Soren dear, never underestimate the significance of a gherkin. Relish it.
Big Carl was the first to put his name down, but he's not so 'big' if you know what I mean (waving little finger in the air). Nurse Ratched has expressed interest, but is more likely to join Friday morning's S&M activity group.
Knudsen claims that I am him 50 years ago. That means harder, stronger, fitter and more virile. Do you fancy a crack at me? I won't tell him. It can be our little secret.
PS. Do you have brown nipples or pink ones?
Old Knudsen has had a lot of old twat thrown at him lately, but you, my dear, are classier by far than the others.
Is that left eye removable, then?
Mr Waring, charmed indeed to make your acquaintance. I'd fancy a crack at you if you fancy mine. I like the look of your long schnoz too, as you know what they say about men with big noses... they blow hard.
Dearie, my nipples point south and I can't remember their colour anymore. Did you bring cake?
Hello Fat Sparrow, dear. Thank you lovey. Yes, old-twat-throwing is the new black and everyone's doing it. I was going to create a fake blog where I was a young fit teen but I couldn't keep up with the lingo the children use these days.
My left eye (my left in my portrait) is my good eye. The right one is the bung one and is removable. I usually wear a patch but I took it off to pretty it up for the photo. You are sweet to take an interest. Did you bring cake?
Sorry I forgot the cake. It was a little stale anyway. nick on over to nurse myra's if you fancy some pureed prunes
Right. It's been a week.
Any new developments in the romance department?
Oh Nurse! Thank you for your timely visit. My bowels have been backed up something rotten lately, so I took your advice and ate some prunes and also the stewed apples you kindly wrote about on your site.
Not only did you not bring cake, but you also didn't leave a link to your blog. Are you taking the piss out of an old woman? Fortuntely, Big Carl was at hand to search through the internet filing system and he found your lovely blog for me - it reminds me of home.
You're welcome to visit again but please bring cake next time.
MJ, you're the favourite great-great grand-daughter I don't have. You are a dear to visit me once a week.
We've been busy here at the hospice. Dr Strep volunteered himself as a model after we ordered the Make Your Own Dildo Kit. Thank you for that marvellous tip. I just sat down at the typewriter to start my memoirs but now I am caught up in the exciting world of Farmer Giles' Cock. He's making me horny.
Crumbs?
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